Reunited With Old Friends
by death-in-the-orchard
Summary: Post-manga, so spoilers. Integra goes over some oddities she has observed concerning Seras, of course while said Seras sits by and endures the awkwardness of the conversation. And they come to learn that... some things... never change.


"Alucard," Integra sat in an armchair, quite casual and relaxed in her library filled with books and vampires. "I've been meaning to ask you about Seras' arm."

Alucard appeared behind Integra's chair, and both looked across the low table, to where the blonde Hellsing Vampire was seated with a book, previously carefree, and now a little rigid and put off by their scrutiny. She smiled back without a hint of enjoyment, stubby pointy fangs visible. And Integra spotted them, and sunk her claws deeper into Seras' insecurities. "And her fangs don't seem to be… _maturing_. At all."

The 'girl' jolted, grimaced, and hurriedly hid her face behind her book. Seras pretended not to be aware of the stares, though she cringed at her mistress's remarks and waited sullenly for what she anticipated to be her master's disappointment, or else an oncoming chastisement. She hadn't had one of those from him in… well, in ages. So a lecture on how to be a _proper_ vampire (as though she'd been a fairy princess or something for three decades) was bound to come up at some point. Well, maybe it would come up sometime. She was beginning to suspect that she missed the old repetitive banter, the ignorance, the quote on quote innocence. Seras sighed and began to reread sentences as they failed to take root in her brain.

Integra explained the situation to Alucard. "She can reform her arm, in shape as well as the basic function. (As you can see, she's holding up a book with both hands.) But she is unable to reform the flesh. Other parts of her body, she manages those almost as well as you- well, used to. Or still do. …But that arm is a 'mysterious' exception." Integra's head tilted over her shoulder and her eyes measured the bulky maroon sleeve that covered Seras' shadow arm. The bulky left sleeve was disproportionately longer than the opposite short sleeve which showed pale skin beneath. And no hint of the missing flesh was left exposed, as Seras' long maroon glove fed right into the sleeve that concealed her unhealed arm, and contrasted with the normal white glove that encased her single flesh and blood hand.

Integra leaned into the armrest and chewed the back of her finger. "She's made all of that out of shadows as well," she gestured to the sleeve, and Alucard examined it from a distance. "Which would seem normal, since she was sired by you. But she still can't heal her arm."

"Is it a problem?" Alucard asked in his baritone voice, stepping closer to the blonde vampire's chair. Seras stiffened and shrunk further, lifting the book higher to continue hiding herself. The Nosferatu hummed as he towered above the chair like a looming shadow, looking down at his 'fledgling' as she held the book more like a tent or shelter than some sort of reading material. "We all have our peculiarities," Alucard said. His eyes were bright and his dead lips curved into a sardonic smile.

Integra laughed roughly, her tone already debating this for Seras' case. "She's peculiar enough on her own. She's inherited too much –but, no, the problem is… Well," she paused dryly. "HIM."

At this Seras lowered the book, looking devoid of confidence while she peered nervously up at her looming master. She bit her lip. And then looked to her sleeve, as she felt HIM swell into his shadowy essence, and he condensed before the Vampire Alucard, hat held to his chest respectfully as he beamed good naturedly. "Hello again, Mr. Alucard. Welcome home, and please forgive the delayed greeting," the smile he gave Seras was sharp, and she snorted and rolled her eyes before slumping in the cushioned chair with her chin propped moodily on her hand. Seras frowned with dull scarlet eyes directed at a bookshelf.

Pip looked back at Alucard, again smiling, but slowly he began to feel like he should have gotten some sort of reaction. Alucard stared at him, unimpressed, and unmoved.

"Who are you?"

As if his chest had been rent open with a fistful of daggers, Pip doubled over, shrinking back into Seras' sleeve as the blonde vampire stared wide-eyed at her Master. Pip gradually resurfaced while he let Seras speak for him. "Master… It's Mr. Bernadotte. Pip Bernadotte. Of the Wild Geese." Nothing registered, and Seras sighed while she gave her Master time to make this important recollection, dubious of his lapse in memory. "Walter hired them, the band of mercenaries? They died, at least most of them did, defending the Hellsing mansion."

Alucard cocked his head languidly, and gave Seras a vague frown that said he was not playing a game, despite her reluctance to accept his forgetfulness. "I never heard of any plan to defend the mansion. That sounds absurd." The look he gave Integra made her bristle, the lines in her face running deeper as her lips tightened. Glaring at the side of the vampire's head, Integra bit down on a growl as Alucard turned back to Seras. He asked the question with an air that seemed natural for the problem, as though someone had just come up with 'Duck' while adding two plus two. "Why would Walter hire the French to fight for us? That's idiotic."

Pip wasn't amused in the least, but he said nothing as Seras grumbled and then sat up. Pointing to the Frenchman (one of the only Frenchmen who had been a part of the Wild Geese), and with a hardened part of herself etched into her round, cherub features, Seras met her Master's gaze. "He died fighting the Millennium bi- bit," she gave up on choosing another word, "bitch. Name, Not Important. All you need to know is that I annihilated her. End of story."

"I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about." Bored and finding the answer plain, Alucard frowned at the young vampire's confused annoyance. "Unfortunately… I missed the majority of the war – if one could truly call it a 'war.' I was stuck playing a very disappointing game of Battle-Ship." As Seras' confusion cleared like clouds parting before the sun (or, in this case, moon), Alucard continued to enlighten her, "And after thirty years of what I endured, you're lucky I remember who _you_ are."

Seras grimaced as she pitied her master, but was overwhelmingly offended by the thought of someone as important to her personally, as her master, forgetting her name. She looked away quietly, the fingers of her short white glove resting on the book she closed and set on the armrest of her chair. Pip meanwhile was invigorated by this explanation, and came out bright and amiable once more. He positively glowed, a soft, reddish tint that colored his movements. But his bright eyes were as green as the day he'd been born. "That's alright, Mr. Alucard. We only knew each other for a few months, and you have been away, and with your hands full, for quite a while. It's not a problem."

Pip thrust out a hand confidently, as though greeting a fellow veteran for the first time. "I'm Pip Bernadotte." His chest swelled with pride that came from somewhere that wasn't evident to Alucard, and the Nosferatu blinked at the broad grin.

"Pippin?"

"Uh," as Pip wilted Seras started, looked at him, saw his expression, and burst out laughing. He glared at her, resenting the blonde's lack of mercy as she sneered back gleefully.

All the undead mercenary could do was mutter, while passing the grinning Seras several unhappy scowls. "Pip. …Just Pip."

"Then your parents were fans of Dickens?"

The son of two Dickens enthusiasts was uncomprehending until another burst of laughter from the woman he was fused to kicked his brain-cogs and wheels into motion. "Oh, _uhhumm_." Pip chuckled and simultaneously coughed at the 'joke' in order to make it a joke, and then to seem polite. Pip calmed a little as he saw Mr. Alucard wasn't actually trying to insult him (maybe). So he cleared his throat in a manly manner, placed his hat on his head to free his hands, and joyfully squeeshed the no-longer-laughing Seras with his arms tightly wrapped around her. "And this is my wife."

Seras coughed roughly into her available fist, ignoring the flare of uncertainty and fear she experienced. "Not officially, but ultimately, it's the same," her voice was level, but Seras bit her lip nervously as she checked her master's face for any revealing expression.

Alucard merely responded with an agreement. "It would be difficult to obtain permission to marry yourself, legally. Or in any other meaningful way."

Pip attempted to counter this, but Alucard overrode him.

"You are entwined with her, but beyond this, you are a part of her." And, looking back at Integra, Alucard noted simply enough, with a slight gesture towards the mercenary, "This solves your mystery. As he retains a sense of consciousness, in order to retain this individuality and presence of mind, and some scant agency, he occupies a mostly external position. If she were to successfully heal, that would require repressing his soul, utterly. It would mean stamping out his remaining existence, and allowing him to melt into the mindless mess of the other souls she has consumed. Though I assume she hasn't consumed any others, because any other competing soul would have dragged him inside, or more so than he is now. …However. There is a way to detach the body completely, though it doesn't serve much purpose, for all the effort-"

Pip was quite overjoyed by this revelation and was greedily taking up Mr. Alucard's attention, to get the information out of him as quickly as possible. But he was getting nothing. Instead it felt like Pip had just had a hatchet buried deep into his skull, as Alucard stated plainly:

"No. Her virginity is mine."

Before any further comment, or even a chuckle could be made, Alucard expanded upon his 'entitlement.' "You would ruin perfectly good virgin blood. Virgin _Nosferatu_ blood. You could not even begin to fathom its worth."

The ancient crimson eyes settled on Pip, and the mercenary's head lowered as he needlessly adjusted his collar. Alucard reworded his previous statement, "I have a claim to that blood, and I will not have you soiling it, Mr. Pippin."

 _Now_ he was being insulted, Pip acknowledged this as he sunk back into Seras' sleeve and disappeared from view.

Integra let out a loud, jolting laugh, and the vampires caught her smiling broadly, if not a little darkly, which was her tendency. "Well, you certainly are the luckiest of vampires, Count." Despite how erroneous this statement was, Integra smirked at the Vampire Alucard. She was amused and whimsically indulgent. "Two virgins, all to yourself. Aren't you a pampered little devil."

Alucard grinned at the woman, his glinting fangs filling his mouth. He was quite happy not to disagree. "Yes, now with only one to worry about. I'm well at ease, really, and proud of you, seeing how wonderfully successful you've been without my help. Master. You're quite secure at this point. … While for the girl, we have only _Mr. Pippin_ here to pose any sort of-"

Alucard had been eyeing Seras' sleeve as she smiled back awkwardly, but the 'girl' suddenly looked up in shock, her brow furrowed in confused disbelief, which Alucard noted before the mammoth bookcase bombarded him briefly with books, before crushing him into the wood floor.

Integra stood behind the wreckage, leaning haggardly against the now unoccupied wall. The newly exposed wall was several shades lighter than the area around it, a testament to just how long the bookshelf had served its mistress dutifully, only to be rewarded with this sudden suicide mission. Some sweat glistened on Integra's lined brow as she scowled at her no longer visible demon. "Hahh…" She had meant to say something but her lungs hadn't cooperated. After a moment, and still breathing heavily, Sir Integra threw a weary and frustrated glower at Seras, who adopted a miniature and unserious frown in return. "I missed him… didn't I?"

Seras nodded like a trained seal. The Hellsing heiress felt the urge to throw a fish at her, but the feeling passed, submerged in her current irritation which was directed at an infinitely more tiresome vampire.

"Damn!" Integra gripped her sides and began to pace slowly, in order to catch her breath and let the rest of her rage cool to a simmer.

But the next unwelcomed remark shoved a bonfire beneath her temper.

" _I didn't mean it as an insult,"_ the Vampire Alucard's voice clarified from Nowhere.

The Hellsing heiress snarled nonetheless.

" _Wrinkles are quite beautiful, truly a refining feature…"_

Integra tried desperately to find Nowhere, so she could strangle him.

"… _and you have such an abundance of them."_

Integra knew exactly what sort of smile Alucard was wearing right now as he watched her. The smug undead bastard. "Get out here! You coward!" Her voice was already sagging with fatigue.

Alucard chuckled, _"But I'm already Here."_

"NO! Here, as in Here before me, your Master!"

… "Hello then, my Mast-"

"Very good," Integra shot him in the face, much to the re-emerged mercenary's and Seras' horror. Alucard let her continue to shoot his carcass after it had fallen to the floor and formed a crimson puddle. But he ruined the effect entirely, draining the woman of her bloodlust when his laughter rung from the fabric of the Present, completely detached from the bullet-riddled body which disappeared as soon as Integra looked away to seek out the source of Alucard's voice. She cursed, and her vampire loved it.

He was home.


End file.
